6.14.2012

girls cast low whispers
wishing for men who would
fit their curves, and their hearts

whispers rise to a song of
desire and hope, and a need for
strong arms to hold future nests

for sometimes even the lack
of rain is enough to cast lightening
across a dry and charged land

Inspired by dVerse's Triverson challenge & Snow Patrol's New York

10 comments:

Kristina said...

You have such a wonderful way with words.

marousia said...

Nice use of alliteration

Brian Miller said...

dang...that last stanza is just superb...you build well to it but it is where you really got me...nice...

Beachanny said...

I think this was a very effective use of the form. Only three tercets but the set up was perfect for the last "shock" where the metaphor heightened the meaning and value of the poem. It met all the criteria brilliantly!

charleslmashburn said...

I like this! Wonderful metaphore and reads smoothly!

Charity said...

Thank you Kristina!
It's a wonderful blessing to find the gift of an art performed well!

Charity said...

I agree Brian,
That last stanza could really stand alone.

Charity said...

Thank you Marousia, Beachanny, and Chales.
Beachanny, I appreciate your feedback. I really am naturally a short writer, so the 3 lines is natural. Where I push myself outside of my comfort zone is adding ongoing stanzas. In this case I surprised myself by finding a crescendo. Glad a gave it a whirl!

Heaven said...

Nice poetry form ~ I specially like the last stanza ~

http://a-sweetlust.blogspot.ca/2012/06/to-young-lady.html

metanoeticpoetics said...

What an affective picture of desire and its fulfillment. I really enjoy the way you understand the desires and communicate them in the form with clarity.